


The loudest silence

by ShenaniganNinja



Category: The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan
Genre: Clexa, Eventual Smut, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-31
Updated: 2017-05-27
Packaged: 2018-09-13 11:53:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 13,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9122359
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShenaniganNinja/pseuds/ShenaniganNinja
Summary: Modern AU"Excuse me."The girl ignored her"Um...Would you please?"Nothing"Excuse me, but" she pushed the girl "ARE YOU DEAF OR WHAT?"The other girl stared at her and angrily moved her hands repeatedly, obviously replying something in sign language, and finishing the sentence with a gesture that could only mean "fuck you"In which Clarke is an ambitious young violinist studying at Juilliard who meets Lexa, a deaf Sociology student.





	1. First impressions

Clarke ran through the street, her violin bumping and hitting her back with every step. She was going to be so late, she was screwed if she was late _again_.

Juilliard had been so far everything she'd ever dreamed of: talented teachers, the independence to choose the subjects she wanted and fellow students who made her want to improve. However, she always managed to be late, and her orchestra teacher had made it pretty clear to her: if she was late one more time that semester, she was out of his class. And she didn't want that.

She made her way through the crowded avenue, excusing herself every now and then, pushing people around and trying to get to the academy. Once she got there, she ran through the hallways, checking her watch every now and then, it looked like she was going to arrive on time, but still she ran all the way to the auditorium. She checked, Mr. Pike hadn't arrived yet.

She sighed and took her violin out of its case, carefully checked it was tuned and cleaned the remaining rosin dust from her last rehearsal. When she was about to sit, she got off the stage once again and took her bow, rolling her eyes. She then sat by Bellamy's side, almost dropping their scores.

"Take it easy, Clarke" Bellamy giggled "You're almost a minute early, which for you is like, _really_ early"

Clarke smiled ironically and put the chin rest properly before softly rehearsing one of the toughest passages of Strauss' _Don Juan._ Bellamy looked at her with a panicked expression 

"You do know that's not the actual speed of it, right?"

Clarke stopped playing, her jaw dropped

"It's actually quite faster" Bellamy played it at twice the speed, but abruptly stopped and stood up, as did the rest of the orchestra when Pike finally arrived. Clarke sighed. She was _so screwed_.

She and Bellamy were the only freshmen who played first violin, but if they had to play that passage, well, she might as well quit and play the triangle.

Pike started conducting as he always did, without warning and as emotionlessly as it was humanly possible. Clarke played easily the first few pages, but once they got to the passage she'd been rehearsing, she rolled her eyes. Of course Bellamy had been joking, there was no way they were going to play it any faster than how Clarke had studied it.

"I hate you" she mouthed to Bellamy, who silently laughed.

Three and a half hours later, the rehearsal was finally over.

"Bell, I swear you nearly gave me a heart attack" Clarke loosened her bow while angrily staring at him, but she soon smiled mischievously "I'll take my revenge"

He laughed and took their scores "Yeah, sure..." He looked at his watch "Oh, crap, I'm late for History, gotta go, see you tomorrow?"

He didn't wait for Clarke to answer before disappearing backstage, taking a shortcut to the class. As usual, Pike had finished his class later than scheduled, Clarke sighed. It was the only class she had on Wednesday evenings, and every supermarket was already closed. She thought about it for a second. Crap. She didn't have any food left.

A thud sounded when her backpack and violin case were dropped on stage by her side. Raven, her flatmate, glared at her

"We're already late, but if we don't leave now,  we'll have to take a cab. And I'm _not paying_ for that"

Clarke quickly grabbed all of her stuff and left, walking by Raven's side. The subway was a few blocks away, and crowded as always. Raven sighed 

"I hate playing the cello."

Then they both started walking and excusing themselves, eventually pushing people around to try and get into the subway. They reached an impasse when a tall, dark-haired girl who stood in front of the wagon's doors didn't move.

Clarke tried to ask her kindly to move.

"Excuse me."

The girl ignored her

"Um...Would you please?"

Nothing

"Excuse me, but" she pushed the girl "ARE YOU DEAF OR WHAT?"

The other girl stared at her and angrily moved her hands repeatedly, obviously replying something in sign language, and finishing the sentence with a gesture that could only mean "fuck you", then stormed off into the wagon.

Raven and Clarke also got into it, keeping a careful distance between them and the girl.

"Dude" Raven kept looking at the deaf girl, who was now texting, visibly pissed off "you've caused quite a first impression"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I don't like *live* in NY so if any of you are from there, I might be wrong about distances between places or where the subway stations are...(all my information comes from Google maps, so if it's wrong, please tell me and I'll correct it)  
> I'm a cellist, not a violinist, so if I say something that's technically not accurate please tell me as well ;D  
> Hope you enjoyed it, and I'll update ASAP!


	2. Pachelbel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the link to the music they're playing if you want to listen to it while you read the chapter:  
> https://youtu.be/OFfYGoVstgc  
> (I've thought of doing this in every chapter and mentioning a piece or two, I'd like to know your thoughts on that)  
> (There's also a minor edit concerning how much Lexa can pick up from lip-reading, since I've been told only 30-40% of English can be understood this way)

"Clarke"

"Clarke"

Bellamy slowly approached Clarke's ear 

"CLARKE!"

She jumped in her seat "WHAT THE--" she looked around only to realise the class was already empty except for the both of them

"You fell asleep. Again." He smiled 

Clarke sighed. It wasn't that she didn't like that subject, but she couldn't think how it would be useful to her to know the basics of entrepreneurship when all she wanted to do was to play the violin, and if anything went wrong, become a teacher.

"Why do we need to take this class again?" She said while they walked out of the room

"Because" Bellamy spoke in a high-pitched voice, similar to their professor's "you never know when you'll need to, you know, like, start your own orchestra or band or, like, _whatever_ "

Clarke laughed, both of them kept walking and ran into Monty, who was punctual as usual for their quartet rehearsal

"Hey, how did your class go?" He asked

"Terribly."

"She fell asleep" Bellamy giggled, Clarke punched him in the arm

" _Again_?"

"Shut up, I just don't like theorical classes" she replied, her cheeks had turned red from embarrassment

Once they arrived to the rehearsal room and had already taken out their instruments, Monty stared exasperatedly at his phone. 12:33.

"Is Jasper ever going to arrive on time?" He started tuning his viola

"I heard that" Jasper walked in, noisily putting his cello on the floor and hurriedly opening the case and cleaning it "It's not like you need me for this piece, I mean, I do the same thing. All the time. I could play it in my sleep" he dropped his bow and quickly got it from the floor, sitting down by Monty's side

"Aren't you going to use the scores?" Clarke half-smiled

Jasper stuck out his tongue and started playing the same eight slow notes over and over: D, A, B, F#, G, D, G, A...With a dramatical vibrato and looking as if he was going to cry overwhelmed by the emotion

The other three muffled their laughter and began playing Pachelbel's Canon in D.

\----------------

Lexa patiently waited for their teacher to arrive. She couldn't stand people who were late, although she had to admit that the professor teaching that class was one of her favourites. Dr. Kane arrived five minutes too late, as usual, and immediately started his lesson, the topic of the day was sexism. Lexa crossed her arms and looked directly at him in order to read his lips. Luckily, he spoke very clearly and didn't usually turn around to write on the board, so it was easy for her to understand as much as possible of what he said.

However, she had never been one to participate in class, so she watched the debate pass without anyone being especially interested in it. She rolled her eyes more times than she could count whenever their classmates were unable to make a point or said anything discriminatory, mostly against women.

Sitting next to her was Octavia, who kept staring at Lexa's face and laughing whenever she looked desperate because of the other student's opinions, or rather lack of them. She passed her a note

*U got n opinion. Say sth*

Lexa made a face

*You know why I never speak in class.*

Octavia sighed

*we're n college now lex*

The bell rang, the students rushing to the door while Lexa calmly walked.

"Seriously, Lex. It wouldn't kill you to speak in class"

Lexa replied in sign language

*No, thanks*

Octavia opened her mouth, but Lexa cut her off

*Stop being so stubborn* she raised her eyebrows and Octavia raised her hands, giving up

"Okay, okay. But it's not my fault if the cute girl doesn't notice you...What was her name? Violet? Virginia? Veronica?"

Lexa shushed her

"Aaah Veronica it is, huh?"

Lexa glared at her

"Fine, fine. I won't say her name, ma'am. But there's a party this Friday and I've been told she's coming." She smiled hopefully

*You're dragging me to that party, aren't you?*

Octavia grinned "Hell yeah."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so your support has been *amazing*, thank you guys!  
> The whole Pachelbel's canon thing is a very extended joke among cellists (I guess if you listened to it you can guess why, we play the same thing all the time. Eight notes. Forever.)  
> Hope you enjoyed the chapter and will update ASAP!  
> PS: I've read that English-speaker deaf people say "to sign" instead of "to say in sign language" (I wasn't sure so I didn't write it that way, but it'd be nice if any of you know, so I could write it properly)( I'm Spanish and we don't say it that way)


	3. Pre-partying

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter I figured the music when Lexa's studying and Octavia's arrival would be the Overture for Mendelssohn's a Midsummer night's dream: https://g.co/kgs/9XsT35
> 
> As to what Raven is playing, I thought of Elgar's cello concerto  
> https://youtu.be/OPhkZW_jwc0
> 
> (A brief description of the first piece in case any of you are deaf and would like it (idk, I read this on a website and thought maybe you'd like it, so I'll try and explain why I chose that piece) the first notes are really soft chords and more instruments gradually add, so the music is louder and growingly intense, this would would be Lexa anticipating her arrival, and there's a forte around minute 1, where the tension disappears and there's a happy theme played by the whole orchestra, which would be Octavia's sort of leitmotiv)  
> I chose Raven to play Elgar's concert because it's a typical one to play when you're studying a degree in cello, and it also fits with her personality: it starts off really powerfully, but deep down (in the middle of the first movement) it has a sentimental, moving melody that ends with a big dramatical orchestra tutti, which I think is a good metaphor for Raven's personality: she's really tough but she's also a very sentimental person

Lexa was in the library, reading her notes from Dr. Kane's class. Even though he sent them his own notes, word was he always asked on tests about what he said in class, so she really appreciated that Octavia took notes for them both, although her handwriting was undecipherable most of the time.

More like all the time. She took a picture of the paragraph she was reading and sent her another text:

_The incredible agony of mankind?_

The reply came quickly

_The immense amount of artists. lex u nver understand a word lol_

Lexa sent her another photo:  
_I swear it, this can't be English._

_Therefore, sexism derivates from patriarchy. u rlly cnt read my hndwrting after all this yrs?_

_It's not my fault, I swear I don't know how teachers can read your essays._

_they dont. i pass cos im cute ;)_

_btw u ready 4 the party 2nite?_

Lexa stared at her phone for a while, she really felt like staying home and binge-watching Netflix, so she had to think of an excuse. She began to type

_I don't think I can make it, I think I'm getting sick_

Octavia arrived and snatched Lexa's phone from her hand.

*You've really got to stop doing that*

Octavia smiled and whispered

"And you've got to stop making up excuses, Lex."

Lexa sighed

"Do you want to talk to that Veronica girl or not?"

Someone shushed them and Octavia rolled her eyes, Lexa raised an eyebrow not understanding so Octavia signed

*Someone just shushed me*

Lexa smiled mockingly as Octavia took her notes from her. Lexa tried to grab them, but the other girl had already stood up and started walking towards the library's doors.

*Come on, O, let me study*

*It's almost ten o'clock, Lex. You've studied enough. Now, let's get you dressed up*

Lexa pouted, but Octavia kept walking and she eventually followed her.

\-------------

_Ding_

Clarke looked at her phone, Bellamy had just texted her

_Party @ Monty's. 12.00. Don't be late._

She smiled. Monty's parties were always the best.

 _Ding_. Another text from Bellamy.

_Who am I kidding. You're gonna be late._

She rolled her eyes and walked into Raven's room, she was rehearsing, as usual. 

"You coming to Monty's?"Clarke asked

Raven nodded and kept playing. Clarke checked her phone again.

"Bell says he'll pick us up at 11.30"

Raven stopped playing once the piece was over and left her cello on the floor

"Then you better start getting ready or we'll be late"

\---------------------

Two hours later, Octavia and Lexa arrived to the party. The floor vibrated with what Lexa supposed was the beat of a really loud music. She walked hand in hand with Octavia until they found a group of people they knew from college.

"LEXAAAAAAAAAAAAA" a drunk Lincoln hugged her, almost making them both fall to the ground and causing Lexa to giggle. She shyly smiled to the rest of the group, there were two girls she didn't know and five other people she did know from the only other party she'd attended.

She finally took Lincoln off her, he offered her a drink while introducing her to the two girls she didn't know

"That's Emori" he pointed at the shortest girl "and that's Anya"

Octavia spelled their names to Lexa, who barely understood what Lincoln said due to his slurring. She took the drink he'd offered while introducing herself. She smelled the glass and gave it to Octavia so she could do the same

*Vodka?*

Octavia nodded and smiled when Lexa drank half the cup and smiled as well. Suddenly, the music stopped. Lexa furrowed her brow when people started yelling in protest and pointing at the door.

"What the...?" Octavia tried to see what was happening, pushing people around, and laughed when she did see it.

"I'm sorry, yeah I know...shit...Ok yeah...SHUT UP I KNOW I UNPLUGGED THE DAMN THING" the girl who'd just walked in kneeled and plugged the amplifier again, the music returned as loud as before.

Her companions, a boy and a girl laughed while they made their way to the kitchen to get something to drink

"Dude, you sure know how to make an entrance"

"Shut up, Bellamy. The damn wire was there, it's not my fault"

"Clarke, it was three feet away from the damn door, how could you step on that?" Raven kept laughing

Clarke grabbed a plastic cup of sprite vodka "You're the worst"


	4. The party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! So it took me more time to post this chapter, but it's also longer than the previous ones (bc like literally two or three of you asked me to). The music playing on the party is kinda generic, since it's the one I've heard in Spain and suppose is more popular elsewhere (I don't think the reggaeton trend is as popular in English-speaking countries, but if it is let me know so I can specify more which songs are played)

Clarke took a look around. The party had only been going on for a couple of hours and her head was already spinning. She smiled and heard Bellamy laughing  
"Rae" he put his arm around her shoulders and pointed at Clarke "she's drunk"

"No, I'm not" she replied, trying to put a serious expression on her face and failing miserably

Raven laughed as she got herself another drink "I love drunk Clarke."

Suddenly, the music changed and Justin Bieber's _Let me love you_ started playing. Clarke yelled and grabbed Bellamy's arm enthusiastically

"DUDE, THAT'S OUR SONG"

She dragged him to the center of the room while Raven rolled her eyes. They always made the same choreography with that song, and Monty had played it on purpose. He smiled from his corner of the room and Raven sighed, yet she took out her phone. She had to record that performance.

Clarke and Bellamy started slow-dancing for about three seconds before they looked like they were going to kiss, moment when Bellamy dramatically pushed her away and clutched his chest with a painful expression on his face. Clarke looked surprised and about to cry while he kept walking away in slow-motion. When the chorus came back though, she grabbed him by the arm and pulled him close so they could slow-dance again. Then she was the one to walk away, leaving Bellamy over-acting his fake heartbreak.

Monty and Jasper, as well as the other people they knew cheered them while the rest stared without knowing whether to laugh or cry when the grotesque performance escalated to the point of them fake kissing and proposing to each other when the song came to its end.

"Thank you, New York!" Bellamy saluted their audience, Clarke laughing by his side.

On the other side of the room, Octavia dropped on the sofa, exhausted after dancing non-stop for hours on her less than comfortable shoes. Lexa sat as well, half on her lap, half on the sofa 

Octavia softly pushed her aside, but Lexa leaned into her 

*She doesn't like me*

Octavia narrowed her eyes, trying to focus on Lexa's moving hands. She grabbed Lexa's jaw and turned her face towards her, pointing at her lips and speaking slowly while trying to sign at the same time, not sure of her ability to do so in her current state

"I know you prefer to sign, but please talk," she pointed at Lexa's mouth this time "cos I'm kinda drunk and I don't think I'm gonna understand"

Lexa sighed "Veronica doesn't like me" she pouted and pointed at the girl, who was flirting with a tall, dark haired boy "she has a _boyfriend_."

Octavia looked at the girl disgusted and then back to Lexa "You know what? You're way too pretty for her. And smart. And nice. And pretty."

"You said pretty twice" Lexa hesitantly smiled

Octavia shrugged "That's why you're too smart" and began tickling her, and didn't stop until they were both crying from laughter and gasping for air. Lexa kissed Octavia's cheek

"And this is why you're my best friend"

When she looked back at the improvised dance floor without noticing the expression on Octavia's face, Lexa raised an eyebrow. Lincoln was staring intensely at both of them, and approached them after a while. He half-smiled while making a reverence

"Milady, may I invite you to join me on the dance floor?"

Lexa laughed when Octavia looked confused

"O, you gonna stay here all night or come back to dance?" He said smiling widely

Octavia stood up and was headed towards the dance floor when she turned around

"You not coming, Lex?"

Lexa stood up walking the opposite way

*Gotta pee*

Octavia nodded and ran back to the dance floor, dancing to Rihanna's _Work_ as if her very life depended on it. Lexa walked a few more steps before realising she had no idea where the toilets were. _Great_. She'd have to explore.

The place was so crowded it was impossible to find anything, so she decided to go upstairs. She hesitated, but decided not to open any closed doors, just in case, and kept searching until she saw a blonde girl knocking at a door and slurring something she couldn't figure out, but she supposed was rushing whoever was inside. Lexa was about to ask the girl if she knew whether there were other bathrooms when the blonde turned around and they saw each other's faces.

"Oh, shit" Clarke bit her bottom lip nervously "Shit shit shit. You're the deaf girl."

Lexa raised an eyebrow. 

"I..." Clarke pointed at herself "I don't know if you can, like, do the lip-reading thingy, but, um...Sorry, I was an asshole the other day."

Lexa rolled her eyes and nodded, crossing her arms

"I..." Clarke knocked again at the door, obviously uncomfortable with the situation "I mean, it's not like there's nothing wrong with being deaf or anything, like, for me it would be terrible going deaf cos I play the violin, but it's not like a thing that limits you or anything, I just thought you were being rude and like, I was going to be late for class, and, shit, I obviously didn't know you were deaf or I wouldn't have said that, cos it was like offensive, not like it's a negative thing, but I..."

"Shut up" Lexa sighed

"WHOA. You can talk?" Clarke's eyes flew wide open. Lexa nodded and knocked at the door. Whoever was in there was taking quite a long time. She was about to knock again when Clarke stopped her. Anger showed on Lexa's face before Clarke spoke again, this time trying to vocalise and exaggeratedly gesturing to try and make it easier for Lexa to understand her 

"Yeah, so...Um you can't hear it, but, um, they're" she made a quite obscene gesture with her hands "inside there"

Lexa sighed again, sat on the floor and kept drinking. She had no idea of how much she'd had to drink, and she honestly didn't care. Her night couldn't probably get any worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So,yup, Lexa can talk, yet she prefers to sign. The reason for it will be explained in further chapters :p


	5. The hangover

Clarke opened an eye and looked at her watch.17.48. _Great_. She then took a look around and had to think for a second before realising she was still at Monty's. She sighed, feeling a familiar throbbing beneath her temples. She shouldn't have drunk so much vodka. Or tequila. She was pretty sure there'd also been some rum at some point of the night. 

She yawned and was about to stretch her arms when she saw that girl...What was her name? Lexie? Lea? And several other people lying around on the sofas. The last thing she remembered was her awkward conversation with that girl, and honestly, she was embarrassed of her own ignorance. She got up and started searching for her coat while mumbling to herself

" _So you can talk?_ Of course she can talk, Clarke. _The deaf girl.._.You couldn't have said 'the girl from the subway', no." She rolled her eyes to herself and kept rambling for a while before she saw a hand handing her her coat

Bellamy half-smiled sleepily "You leaving?"

Clarke nodded and lowered her eyes "Umm...Bell. Where are your trousers?"

He laughed "I've got no idea. Do you need a ride home?"

Clarke hesitated for a second, a vague memory of the previous night came to her "Yeah, I think Raven went home last night..."

"Dude" Bellamy laughed "you never remember a thing when you drink"

"Says the guy without trousers."

\----------------

As soon as Clarke got home, she went to the bathroom, silently praying that they had some aspirins left. _Bingo_. She swallowed them and went back to the living room, deciding she wouldn't be playing her violin, at least in a couple of hours, and taking her Music History notes.

She'd barely read a whole page when she heard Raven's bedroom door opening, followed by quick footsteps. She turned around and saw a girl who'd been at the party the previous night.

"Umm...Hi?" The girl turned around, startled by Clarke's voice, and cleared her throat

"Hi."

They stared at each other awkwardly for a second before Raven came out of her bedroom

"Hey, why are you..." She looked at Clarke, rising an eyebrow and cockily smiling "uh, hi, Clarke."

Clarke heard a deep voice grunting something. Then, another person, this time a guy, entered their living room.

"Come on, O, why are you leaving like that? It's not like we didn't know each other"

Clarke's eyes flew wide open as she tried not to laugh at the whole situation.

"Lincoln, shut up" Raven sighed, clearly embarrassed by his presence 

Octavia put her hair in a messy bun, trying to look presentable, and slapped her forehead "Shit." She hurriedly searched her pockets and took her phone out. She sighed when she saw there were no texts from Lexa. "I've got to pick up a friend from Monty's"

"Come on, Octavia..." Raven pouted, but nonetheless Octavia left in a rush. "AT LEAST GIVE ME YOUR NUMBER OR SOMETHING"

Lincoln softly laughed "Nice try. But don't expect to have anything with her. Just warning you" he started walking towards the door "Nice to meet you, by the way."

The moment he closed the door, Clarke giggled

"It looks like you had a fun night"

Raven jumped onto the couch "Did you?"

"Remember the deaf girl I told you about? The one I pushed in the subway?" Raven nodded "Well. She was there, we spoke, and I was even a bigger asshole" she told her the entire story, causing Raven to loudly laugh 

"You really need to learn how to speak to people"

Clarke blushed and looked back to her notes "Shut up, I know."

"You did try to apologise, though." Raven shrugged "I mean, you were rude but tried to fix it"

"Did I?"

"You failed terribly. But you tried to" Raven laughed again. Clarke rolled her eyes. Raven would tease her her entire life for her social clumsiness, but she could also fire back

"So you slept with a guy? You _really_ ought to like that Octavia girl, huh?"

"I have no feelings. I don't like people."

Clarke chuckled and shrugged

"What?"

"Someone's got a crush."

\----------------

The first thing Lexa saw when she opened her eyes was Octavia impatiently staring at her while holding her car keys.

*Shit.* She looked around groggily *What time is it?* She slowly got up, luckily she didn't have a headache

*Late* O started walking towards the door, her tank top allowed Lexa to see scratch marks on her back. Someone had had quite a fun night.

Once in the car, Octavia turned left, away from Lexa's apartment

"O, you're going the wrong way" they'd both come to the conclusion that they couldn't sign while Octavia drove after almost crashing a year ago. Octavia shook her head and smiled. She was up to something.


	6. Octavia's plan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry it took me a couple of days to update, but I'm currently in those wonderful days of the month in which I have A LOT OF EXAMS and well I'll finish them this week and post longer chapters (pinkie promise) and more often. Hope you enjoy!

"Octavia, seriously, where are we going?" Lexa whined after almost twenty minutes of Octavia driving through narrow alleys, deliberately avoiding big avenues so Lexa couldn't figure out where she was taking her "Come on, I'm hungry"

Octavia rolled her eyes. It took them another twenty minutes to find a place to park, and when they did so Octavia half-smiled.

*Finally* Lexa raised an eyebrow

*Oh, believe me. It's worth the wait.* Octavia cockily grinned.

*Come on, O, where the hell are we?*

The other girl got out of the car

*You'll see*

Lexa rolled her eyes and followed her through a part of the city she hadn't yet been to. She was pretty sure they were in Brooklyn, yet she couldn't figure out exactly where.

*O, we've been in this town for less than two months and you already know all the creepy places?*

Octavia grabbed Lexa's hand, dragging her into a bigger alley

*Of course I do. That's my job* she winked.

Lexa pretended to be exasperated only to hold back a smile, yet she pouted when she sensed the familiar feeling of her stomach growling, and let go of Octavia's hand.

*O, did you hear that?*

*Nope.*

*Octavia.*

*Okay, yeah. You're hungry. I get it.*

Lexa furrowed her brow and stared intensely at Octavia, who sighed

*Let's find a McDonald's*

Lexa smiled widely as they walked into a bigger avenue. She still didn't know where they were, but at least they were going to have something to eat.

\------------------------

Clarke fell asleep while she heard Raven rehearsing. It was obvious Rae was thinking about something else, since she kept slowing down and quickly picking up the earlier tempo, which she always did when she got distracted. Clarke smiled knowing Raven would eventually be desperate by her own inability to play properly and start studying much more...Intense pieces. And she sure hoped she'd be asleep by the time Raven was playing Shostakovich.

\---------------------

After they'd eaten a less than healthy meal, Octavia rushed Lexa

*Seriously, O* Lexa had to stop signing while drinking her Coke *why do we have to hurry so much?*

*Because if we don't, we're gonna be late*

Lexa half-smiled *Late for what?*

Octavia rolled her eyes as they walked into a tall building. Lexa looked around, and realised they were in a theatre.

She'd only ever been once to a theatre before, and had grown so desperate from trying to watch the actors while a friend signed to her what they were saying that she'd never returned. She loved reading plays, but couldn't watch them, and Octavia knew that. She sighed and took a look around.

The floor was carpeted in a dark shade of red and the walls were black and covered with several framed posters.

*What the...* Lexa didn't understand a thing when they walked into a wide room and Octavia guided her to their seats.

*O...*

Octavia held Lexa's hands in her own

*Just watch this* with her head she pointed at the stage, letting go of Lexa's hands as the lights went off.

Then, an actor appeared on stage. Lexa raised an eyebrow, she _really_ didn't get why Octavia would've taken her to a play. The actor began to speak and then she understood. Not only did he speak, but he also signed every single line of dialogue. Lexa looked at Octavia, moved. She'd taken her to a play she could actually enjoy. The other girl shyly smiled

*Jekyll and Mr. Hyde* Lexa smiled back

*I knew it was your favourite*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So in case any of you guys wanna take a look at my social media, my tumblr account is wedeservebetterarmy.tumblr.com (still figuring out how to use that) and my twitter's @pixeladoverde_ (plenty of shitposting and fangirling in both English and Spanish if you want to check it out)


	7. Anti-partying

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I finally finished my exams, so from now on I'm going to be updating faster and longer chapters (the next one will be much longer, pinkie promise!  
> The version of the Mendelssohn concerto, which Clarke will play in this chapter, I personally like the most is Anne Sophie Mutter's, although there are other ones which are as good, such as Itzhak (perfection) Perlman's.  
> There isn't a lot of Lexa in this chapter, it's mostly Clarke-centered, but there'll be more of her, Bellamy, Jasper...in the next chapter.  
> Hope you enjoy it!

“FUCK” Clarke quickly moved her violin away from her face as her E string broke with a loud snap. She took a look at her index finger, it was swollen, but luckily she wasn’t bleeding, which meant she could go on playing, and she needed to study. She had an audition that very week, and it was not a big deal. It was a _huge_ deal. She would either play her best performance of Mendelssohn’s Concerto in E minor or she might as well pack and leave the city. Her parents had made it pretty clear to her, she would either be the best violinist or she wouldn’t be one at all. Clarke took a deep breath and began searching for another string.

“Dude, that’s the third one you’ve broken this week. You should take it easier.” Raven sounded worried, and she had pretty good reasons to be. Clarke had barely left her room in the past ten days or so, relentlessly studying for her audition. She had even refused to go to another party at Monty’s, which was quite alarming considering Clarke had pretty much almost killed him one time he’d forgotten to invite her. Raven was almost a hundred percent sure that Clarke hadn’t showered in a day or two until she’d reminded her to, and she hadn’t been eating as she usually did (not that eating every two hours was a healthy habit, but she’d drastically changed her diet to almost continuously eating chocolate)

Clarke’s bedroom was messy as ever, yet she somehow managed to find an unused string, which of course was in the most bizarre place, under her pillow. Raven stared incredulously as Clarke tuned the high-pitched note, her hands tentatively moving the peg, carefully trying to not increase the number of strings she’d broken in those previous days.

“Rae, you know I can’t screw up that audition, if I do, I’m out. No more New York, no more Juilliard and no more violin.” she finally found the note and checked that the rest of the strings were still properly tuned.

Raven softly put her hand on Clarke’s right shoulder “Let’s go for a walk or something, though. Half an hour won’t make a difference” 

Clarke sighed and raised both her eyebrows, starting to play the cadenza from the first movement “That’s easy for you to say, miss _Tchaikovsky competition finalist_ ” 

“Clarke, you’re going to hurt yourself, you’ve been playing for four hours straight” Raven’s tone made clear she wouldn’t take a no for an answer. Clarke hesitantly stopped playing and left her violin on her bed, then loosened her bow and left it next to it. 

“Half an hour, Rae. And I don’t do anything _straight_ ” she half-smiled and started walking towards the door, Raven rolled her eyes at the joke and pointed at Clarke’s closet.

“Clarke, grab a damn coat, it’s November and we’re not in Ohio.”

Clarke scoffed “I’m from Wisconsin.” 

“Whatever.”

“And it’s colder than here.”

“Let’s go. Now.”

————————————————————————————-

Lexa felt a slow, steady breathing besides her, and the reverberance of the other girls’ chest when she moved was, she supposed, some sort of grunting sound. Lexa tried to open her eyes, her head felt heavy, her mouth was dry, and she felt like she’d been beaten up. The other girl brought her closer and Lexa leaned into her, wondering if she remembered everything about the previous night, although she was sure Octavia had dragged her to Monty’s house telling her that Veronica had dumped her boyfriend during the two weeks since the last party she’d been to. Who was she kidding, that girl was the straightest heterosexual on Earth. She knew it was hopeless to like her, and, truth be told, she’d gone to the party because, no matter how much she generally despised them, she’d had fun at Monty’s, and was willing to give it another try.

She sighed and slowly began to stretch her limbs, the other girl let go of her, turning around to lie face down and drooling on the pillow. Lexa narrowed her eyes, that was _her_ pillow. She lied back down on bed, took a strand of the other girl’s hair and began tickling her nose with it, causing her to snort and sneeze before trying to push Lexa away. 

“Come on” she whispered on the girl’s ear “you _do not_ want me to tickle you”

The girl didn't move, so Lexa started moving her hands towards her belly, but before she could begin tickling her, Octavia quickly turned around, almost throwing Lexa off the bed

“Don’t you dare, Alexandria.” 

Lexa mischievously smiled “Stop me”

Lexa jumped in bed, trying to get access to O’s belly while the other girl kept trying to avoid her without moving too much due to her sleepiness, both of them giggling when Lexa finally managed to mercilessly tickle her. After a few minutes of rolling and wrestling, they both were gasping for air, both lying half on the bed, half on each other. Lexa turned around to realize Octavia had been staring at her for quite a while. She looked into the other girl's eyes, unable to decipher what was going on in her mind. This had been happening to her for the past few months and was bothering her, since she and O had always been able to understand each other no matter what. Their foreheads were resting against each other, and they remained like that for another few minutes before Lexa abruptly sat up in bed.

“I should take a shower”

Octavia took the pillow and dropped it on her own face, grunting 

*Yeah, you should* she quickly signed

“O.” she didn’t answer “Octavia, is there something wrong?”

*I’m just tired*

Lexa nodded and grabbed a towel before entering the bathroom. She should seriously start figuring out what was bothering Octavia.

—————————————————————————————

An hour and a half had gone by since they’d left the house, and Clarke was really appreciating the break. She and Raven had been sitting on a bench on Central Park for the past half hour, talking about basically anything but music. Raven had found out that Clarke’s family did indeed have a good economical position, but they’d never been supportive of her career, and when she finally convinced them to let her pursue what had always been her greatest dream, they’d put her several conditions, each one harsher than the previous one. While being in New York, Clarke had to work two part-time jobs to pay for everything that, according to her parents, was not a necessary expense, which included violin strings, rosin, sheet music books, and basically everything that wasn’t food or water, since she’d obtained a scholarship for her accommodation. Raven, on the other hand, while very reluctant to speak too much about her family had told her that, although they barely had money, they’d been saving for years to pay for her studies, getting the money from the several competitions she’d won and the jobs she’d got both in summer and during the year.

When Clarke had asked her why she didn’t talk about her family too often, Raven’s response couldn’t have been more cryptical

“It’s a long story, and it’s not a nice one.”she began biting her nails as she did whenever she was uncomfortable with something

“Rae, you know you can trust me, right?”

Raven shyly nodded

“I mean, we don’t have to talk about it now, or ever if you don’t want to. But if you ever need someone to speak to, I’m here for you, okay?”

Raven smiled “Yeah, I know”

Clarke smiled back and decided to lighten the mood “So…moving on to more important matters…the girl from the other day?”

Raven giggled and rolled her eyes “I saw her and Lincoln last week at Monty’s, we all spoke and it was pretty nice, I mean, like, there might be a chance she’d like me, but I don’t know, Clarke…I shouldn’t be thinking about getting involved with anyone right now”

Clarke sighed “Please, Rae, talk to her, not for you, but for me”

Raven raised an eyebrow “Whaaaat?”

“You’re scary when you play Shostakovich. But you’re scarier playing Khachaturian.” Clarke stood up while Raven laughed, then she looked at her watch “Shit, Rae, I told you half an hour!”

Raven rolled her eyes, study-obsessed Clarke was back.


	8. Challenges

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LONGEST CHAPTER I'VE EVER WRITTEN, YAY!!  
> I finally got my exam marks and they were pretty awesome, so I was in a great mood to write. The pieces they're playing in this chapter are Mendelssohn (yeah, again, because the big audition is approaching), and Strauss' Don Quixote (which is an absolute masterpiece)  
> By the way, I love it when you tell me in the comments what are your current ships, if you listen to the pieces, how you think the story is going to develop...keep it up guys ;)  
> From now on, I'll be trying to update at least once a week, I promise!  
> Also, have you watched 4x01? WHOA.  
> (PS, in case you don't know it, the expression alea jacta est will appear in the chapter, is Latin for "the die is cast", it's used when there's nothing left to do, you've played all your cards and what will happen depends on whether you get lucky or not)

_A drop of sweat fell from the tip of Clarke’s nose. Her breathing was uneven and occasionally ragged. She bit her bottom lip and furrowed her brow. She had done well so far, she just needed to finish. She fiercely looked at her violin and waited for her queue to start playing the final movement in Mendelssohn’s concerto. The pianist kept playing. Everyone in the room looked at her firmly._

_The pianist played the same chord. Twice. Three times. The audience began to whisper. The pianist cleared his throat and played the chord, louder this time. Someone scoffed. Clarke looked around the room and saw her parents standing up, not disappointed but smiling at her. Her mother whispered a few words, and despite the distance Clarke could hear them as if she had screamed them._

_“I knew you couldn’t do it.”_

 

Clarke jumped in bed, her pulse was racing and she was hyperventilating. She covered her mouth with her hands until she could breathe properly, sweat covering her forehead and panic tears running down her cheeks. It took her a few minutes to completely calm down and dry her tears. Then the expression on her face changed from fear to determination. She would _nail_ that audition. She grabbed a rubber band and got her hair into a messy bun, quickly used a towel to dry the remaining sweat on her face and started tuning her violin. Her new E string kept betraying her, detuning every now and then. She angrily tuned it for the third time in less than five minutes, put some rosin (way too much) on her bow and started playing the octaves in the first movement, her anger only growing when they weren’t perfectly tuned. 

After about twenty minutes of repeating them over and over until she deemed them flawless, she continued to play the arpeggios, at first slowly, then increasing the tempo until she ended up playing them at twice the real speed. Her bedroom door opened and a sleepy, half-naked Raven walked in.

“Clarke, what the fuck? It’s 5.30 am” she rubbed her eyes and yawned

Clarke clenched her jaw and quickly put on the mute to keep playing without bothering her flatmate. Raven rolled her eyes and sat by Clarke’s side.

“Raise your right elbow a bit more when you’re on the E string. You’ll have a cleaner sound”

“Rae” Clarke struggled to speak while playing “No offense, but you’re a cellist” she missed a note “Shit. What do you know about violin technique?”

“My ex, whom I dated for over 4 years happens to be a violinist, so I know a couple of things.”

Clarke half-smiled “You have an _ex_?”

Raven sighed. She shouldn't have said that. “Just…give me your violin”

Clarke raised an eyebrow. She never lent her violin to anyone since a kid had broken her first one in their orchestra class. Raven exasperatedly whined 

“If anything happens to it, you can burn my cello” Clarke chuckled and gave it to her. 

Raven held the violin and placed it on her shoulder in what was, by the horrified look on Clarke’s face, the most unorthodox position ever.

“Okay, so it’s G7 and then it keeps modulating until the cadenza, right?” Clarke nodded and Raven began playing, exaggerating the movement of her elbow. “I’m totally messing up the notes” she played at the real tempo “but this is the idea, when you change from one string to another it sounds cleaner” she gave the violin back to Clarke “you try it”

The moment Clarke tried it, she achieved the sound she’d been looking for and sighed in relief “I really am jealous of you, Rae”

She shrugged “The bow is the only thing I can do properly on the violin, seriously, I can’t even play Twinkle Twinkle” and laid on bed

Clarke smiled and kept playing, knowing someone as talented as that girl would be able to master the violin in less than a year. Hell, probably even in less than a month. This time she didn’t miss a note.

 

————————————————————————————

 

Lexa stared at her notes and softly touched Octavia’s elbow, pointing at a word she didn't understand. Octavia looked at her after a second, then back at the paper. 

*theoretically*

Lexa nodded and they kept studying. They had a huge test that day. To be exact, they had 5 hours 23 minutes left, but who was counting? Octavia placed her right hand on the corner of the page and turned it when Lexa nodded. Words weren’t needed since they’d been studying that way since middle school. Lexa took Octavia’s forearm, preventing her from biting her nails, as she always did when nervous. They should have studied the previous week and not just the night before the exam, the empty cans of Red Bull on the table proved that none of them had slept a single minute. Professor Jaha had the reputation of being the toughest teacher on campus, and he was proving it.Sociological Theory, why on Earth had she chosen that class? Even the name sounded horrible.

Time flew by as they tried to retain as much information as possible in their already swamped brains. More and more graphics and definitions that didn’t seem to make any sense until they’d spent ten or more minutes trying to figure them out kept appearing, and they relentlessly memorized them, encouraging each other by squeezing their hands or exchanging short looks whenever they got slightly distracted. They both were startled when Lexa’s phone began buzzing. They’d barely finished reading the last page a minute ago and it was already time to leave. Lexa took a deep breath 

“Well, I guess _alea jacta is_ ”

“ _Est_ ”

*Whatever* Lexa started putting their notes in her backpack, and Octavia did the same with their highlighters, pens and several post-its they’d left all over the table. They left the library within a few minutes, luckily their class was in the same building. They arrived just a few seconds before the bell rang and Jaha closed the door, leaving everyone who was more than a second late for the exam outside. Lexa frowned and took the exam the professor handed her, then took a seat, Octavia sitting as close to her as she could. She wrote her name on the paper and read the questions. She was good at multiple choice tests, unlike Octavia, who thought either every possible answer was the correct one or they were all wrong. Luckily, they had a system. Lexa would sit as far away from the table as possible, so that Octavia could reach her feet with her own and tell her the number of the question she needed the answer to, touching her left foot meant 10 and her right one 1, to which Lexa answered by the position of her right hand on the table. So far it had been infallible, and Octavia sure hoped it would still be, because she didn't understand a single question. If Lexa was half as confused as she was, they were screwed.

 

—————————————————————————————————

 

“Clarke, I swear if we’re late again” Raven rushed through the corridors at Juilliard, her cello making it difficult for her to move quicker in the multitude

“If we are, you won’t have to do anything, Pike will kill me himself” Clarke ran behind her, her cheeks red

They entered the room, Clarke had started opening her violin case before she’d even stopped running, and hurriedly climbed onto the stage without bothering to use the stairs leading to it. Raven took her cello and got to her chair as fastly as it was humanly possible when carrying a cello with one hand and her bow and scores with the other one. The oboe played an A and the orchestra began tuning when their concertino, Roan, entered the room by Pike’s side. The cocky soloist motioned for everyone to stand up to greet the director, and as usual, was ignored by everyone. Raven had to hold back a laugh when the second chair violinist mocked the histrionical eyeroll Roan always did when he wasn't the center of attention. 

Pike’s deep voice shushed the remaining chuckles “ _Don Quixote_ , da capo. Now.” he smiled to himself, they’d never read that score yet and Raven knew he was doing it on purpose because of the tough cello solos. She’d accomplished to be soloist despite being on her first year and she knew Pike didn't like her because of that. While he was a student, he’d never been the soloist, not even second chair, and because of his mediocre level as an interpreter he’d decided to become a director, and he had managed to be an excellent one, except for taking matters too personally every now and then. He raised his arms as the first notes from the winds filled the air, creating a subtle atmosphere, with more and more instruments joining while the harmony began to develop with more and more people playing, until its climax with the first cello solo. Pike had stopped conducting, expecting Raven to not be able to sight-read it, but the girl sure loved a challenge and executed the solo confidently, while she was internally panicked.

The rehearsal kept going on quite well, much to Pike’s discontent, until the bassoons didn't count properly and started playing a couple of bars before they should’ve, causing Pike to make them play that part several times while the rest of the orchestra simply stared at them. Bellamy half-smiled and waved at Monty, who tried to keep a serious expression on his face, failing to do so when Bell mimicked Pike’s angry face whenever one of the bassoons didn't play perfectly. 

Raven turned around when a bow poked her leg, expecting to be asked about the bowing or digitation, only to see Jasper’s childish grin “Dude, that solo was soooo cool.”

Raven shyly smiled, not noticing when Pike motioned for them to start playing again and quickly turning around when she heard the orchestra, much to the teacher’s amusement.

 

—————————————————————————————

 

The minute Lexa and Octavia walked out of their exam, O began to nervously laugh, causing Lexa to burst into laughter as well 

*I don’t think I answered any of those questions*

*I’m pretty sure none of what he asked was on your notes, what the hell?*

Octavia gave her a quick hug *Lex, you’ve saved my ass, seriously*

Lexa raised an eyebrow and bit her lip *I don't know…I think I was as clueless as you*

*Oh, come on, we both know it’s impossible to be _that_ clueless*

Lexa opened her backpack and handed O a sandwich, getting another one for herself. O quickly unwrapped the paper it was wrapped in and hungrily began to eat

*Have I told you that I love you?*

*Not enough* Lexa mocked while she ate

*Well, I’m going to prove it to you* Lexa furrowed her brow skeptically. Octavia smiled and stopped eating to sign properly *Tonight. Party at Monty’s. We sleep all day, and celebrate that the toughest exam is over*

*We still have plenty of other exams, O*

*Yeah. We sleeping together, right?*

Lexa whined. That girl was a terrible influence. *You’re really getting attached to my bed, aren’t you?”

Octavia smiled as they kept eating and walking towards Lexa’s house. However, the more she thought about what was troubling her, the sadder her smiled turned. She really needed someone to talk to.


	9. Never have I ever...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, so I split this chapter in two and will be posting the rest in a couple of days since it seemed too long to upload as a single chapter. Sorry I kept you waiting but I had this unscheduled audition last week, and then it got cancelled in the last minute so I really didn't have the time to write.  
> TRIGGER WARNING: there's a mention of drug use (very briefly mentioned, not hard drugs) and drinking thoughout the chapter. You'll probably see it coming, but it's mentioned during the first appearance of Jasper and Raven.

The walls reverberated with the sound of upbeat techno music. Bellamy had somehow managed to pick the music for the party and they were all suffering the consequences, meaning they’s been listening to dance and electronic music that, according to him, “everyone knew”, and which they obviously hadn’t ever listened to in their entire lives. 

However, it served its purpose, and made people dance to it, Lexa and Octavia jumped to the beat of it, which Lexa could sense due to the vibration of the floor and walls. They were lucky Monty’s neighbors were all college students or else they would’ve been in trouble for the noise they made during the uncountable parties he hosted every week. Lincoln approached them, carrying a bottle of tequila and glasses. A few shots later, Octavia smiled, still biting a lemon slice and wrinkling her nose at the taste. Lexa laughed at her face and mischievously smiled when Lincoln and Octavia started dancing closer to each other. She signed to O and quickly left their side.

*Gotta pee*

 

——————————————————————-

 

“Rae”

Raven took another sip of her drink

“WHAT THE HELL, RAVEN?”

Raven turned around to see her friends’ shocked faces. A group of ten were sitting around a table filled with glasses and bottles of vodka and beer

“Why are you guys staring at me like that?”

“You just drank, dude” Jasper and Monty stared at each other in shock until Jasper couldn’t hold back his laughter. Raven raised an eyebrow, not understanding what was happening

“Oh, don’t be childish, you guys, she was obviously not listening” Jasper’s laughter spreaded through the group and he had to make an effort to breathe as tears fell from his eyes.

“It’s always quite an adventure to play drinking games with you, Reyes”

Raven rolled her eyes “Okay, whose turn is it now?”

“Yours” the girl sitting by her left side replied, still laughing at whatever Raven had drank for. Monty whispered something into Jasper’s ear, causing both of them to loudly laugh again. Raven mischievously smiled. 

“Never have I ever been caught by my mom smoking pot”

Jasper and Monty looked at each other, embarrassed for a second and then smiled

“Totally worth it”

After a few rounds, the questions kept getting more and more personal, especially since Jasper and Raven kept teasing each other with their childhood stories. The rest of the group exchanged anecdotes that either one of them didn’t know about the other or gave details to those who didn't know the full stories they talked about. Jasper peeing behind a tree in high school because he was too shy to ask where the toilets were. Raven having to shave half her head because she got chewing gum stuck in her hair. They were all in tears by the time Monty recalled the day Jasper found a baby squirrel outside his house and decided to adopt it, only to later find out it was a skunk when it farted while he was hugging it. However, they kept asking gossip questions as well and he inevitable came up.

“Never have I ever dated someone”

Most of them drank, and Raven did so a few seconds later, much to her friends’ shock.

“Well, Reyes, _that_ is a story I’d like to hear” Jasper surprisedly smiled

 

————————————————————————

 

Lexa kept wandering the house, she went to the upper floor remembering the last time she’d been there. She dodged several people, including a couple that didn’t seem to be able to keep their hands off each other on her way up and rolled her eyes, Monty would have to wash some sheets the next day. As soon as she got to the upper floor, she gasped in shock. A cold beverage was spilled all over her, soaking her shirt and causing her to shiver.

“OH MAN I’M SO SORRY OH GOD” the girl hurriedly tried cleaning Lexa’s already ruined shirt “Shit shit shit I swear I didn’t see you…”

Lexa sighed “You do know I am not understanding a single word you’re saying”

The other girl took a look at Lexa for a second before recognizing her “Oh, man.” she swallowed and bit her lip “I aam soooorry” she exaggerated every sound trying to make it easier for Lexa to get what she was saying. Lexa squinted her eyes and amusedly smiled

“You don’t need to…” she gestured pointing her mouth and mimicking Clarke’s earlier response 

Clarke raised her eyebrows “Umm…sure” she smiled but her face changed when she looked back to Lexa’s shirt “I’m really sorry about that” the white shirt now was almost covered by a dark blue stain

Lexa shrugged “Never mind, white shirts are boring, I think you improved it” Lexa smiled and rolled up the sleeves of her shirt “See? I was way overdressed”

Clarke took a long look, the girl did look much better wearing her shirt more casually than she did before. “You sure? We can ask Monty to lend you something”

Lexa shook her head “I’m fine” she pointed at the toilet “Is anyone in there?” 

Clarke furrowed her brow, not understanding and half-smiled, hiding the gesture from Lexa when she remembered the last time they’d been in the exact same situation. She knocked and opened the door when no one replied

“Thank you” Lexa hurriedly got into the toilet

“Yeah…um…see you later I guess” Clarke awkwardly closed the door, rolling her eyes at her inexistent social skills. She hurried to get downstairs, drinking games were her favorite.

 

———————————————

 

Drops of sweat covered Octavia’s skin as she energetically danced with almost everyone at the party, every now and then dancing with Lincoln, who kept trying to flirt with her. However, she couldn’t have been less interested. Not because he wasn’t attractive or she hadn’t had a good time the time they’d been together, but he seemed like the kind of guy that would easily get attached to her, and she wasn’t looking for that kind of relationship. Not with him, anyway. Lexa had been MIA for a few minutes and Octavia was becoming a bit overwhelmed by the amount of people in the room and the fact Raven and her seemed to find themselves looking at each other every now and then. She needed air.

 

———————————-

 

“Come on, Rae, you know everyone’s stories and you never talk about yours” Jasper whined

Clarke sat next to Raven, grabbing a drink “What is he talking about?”

Raven sighed and left her glass on the table “Fine, let’s talk about my ex.”


	10. The ex

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I can't express how sorry I am for not updating in six weeks, I've been so busy with my classes, it's all been a mess, plus I've been dealing with plenty of family issues (won't say much, but my mom's pretty much Clarke's mom). Updates will come in the next few days because holidays (yay)  
> For this chapter, if you're not too fond of the mentioned Messiaen quartet (my personal favourite is the Louange a L'Eternité de Jesus) you might want to read it listening to Bach's air on a G string, which I find beautiful, but also kinda sad, which would be Raven remembering her beautiful relationship that came to an end.  
> Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U7RYSQvrUrc

Raven took a long sip of her drink, looking around at the group that had suddenly become overwhelmingly quiet

“Oh, come on, don’t be such a drama queen” Clarke rolled her eyes 

Raven sighed “Okay, but it’s a long story, you guys.” she cleared her throat “We met at the conservatory, and…”

Jasper scoffed “Raven at a conservatory, shocking”

Raven glared at him “And we didn’t get along at first. In fact, we hadn't talked to each other untilwe were placed together in a string quartet, because there was a sort of competition between us to be the best students in the conservatory. I mean, we had barely heard each other play and teachers were already trying to create this pointless rivalry between us…anyhow, the first day we were supposed to have a quartet lesson none of the other students showed up, nor did our teacher, so we were just left there with each other.”

 

_A tall, light-haired silhouette walked proudly, bow and violin in hand to the classroom door. Raven was sitting on the floor by her cello, she spoke without lifting her eyes from the book she was reading, Messiaen’s “My musical language”._

_“You’re late”_

_“Yeah, well, I’m not the only one.” the violinist knocked on the door loudly. Twice. Three times. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”_

_Raven exasperatedly bit the inside of her cheek “There’s no one there, no matter how hard you knock.”_

_The violinist sat on the floor across from Raven “Whoa, thank you, Ryers. Wouldn't have guessed it on my own.”_

_Raven finally closed her book, leaving her index finger inside to mark the page she was on “It’s_ Reyes _.” she marked the ‘r’ sound clearly “and you should thank me, had you knocked that hard a few more times you might've broken a bone or two.”_

_Her classmate hesitated before replying “Whatever.”_

_They rested in an awkward silence for another few minutes before Raven opened her book again. She was just about to read again the page she’d been on earlier when she was interrupted._

_“That’s Messiaen, right?”_

_Raven raised an eyebrow and pointed at the author’s name on the cover “Um…it says so?”_

_“I mean… you’ve got to know the Quartet for the end of time”_

_Raven nodded_

_“It’s just, there’s this chamber music competition” an ambitious smile made its way into the violinist’s face “and I’ve been dying to play it, and since you’re apparently the best cellist in this conservatory..:”_

_Raven scoffed “I’m the best cellist in this goddamn town and you know it, but go on”_

_“..and I am the best violinist, we can find a clarinet and a piano and go for it. Like, we really could win that.”_

_“What about the string quartet? I’m pretty sure everyone expects us to go to the competition with them”_

_“Come on, you know they aren’t by far as good as us. We can compete with both ensembles if you don’t want to abandon the quartet, but you know it’s impossible to win with anyone else from this conservatory.”_

_Raven half-smiled “It looks like we’ve got to find ourselves two more decent musicians.”_

_They solemnly shook hands_

_“Oh, and Ryers, this doesn't make us friends.”_

_“Whatever, Johnson.”_

 

“You seriously can’t have used Messiaen to flirt, Reyes.” Monty smiled unbelievingly 

She shrugged “Must’ve been my natural charm, then.” she looked briefly to the dance floor, but couldn't find Octavia this time. A feeling of anguish overcame her when she didn't see Lincoln either, but she was instantly relieved when she saw both of them had sat on the floor, making the group listening to her story even bigger. 

Clarke cleared her throat and softly nudged Raven in the ribs “You’re telling us the whole story”

Raven dramatically finished her drink “Well, so fast forward, we’d become classmates in our terrible string quartet as well as part of the ensemble that won every competition we went to that year. Still, we weren't friends.”

 

_“Shit.” Raven’s rosin fell to the floor, breaking into lots of tiny, now useless pieces “sHIT SHIT SHIT” she hurriedly put her cello on the floor and kneeled, trying to find any remaining piece that she could still use for the audition._

_“Ryers, what the hell?”_

_“Shut up, Samantha, I’m seriously not in the mood of taking your shit right now”_

_The violinist grunted “For the last time, it’s Sam.” she kneeled by Raven’s side “And there’s no way you can save any of this, you know that.”_

_Raven kept stubbornly searching every single piece, not listening to the girl_

_“Ryers”_

_Raven’s hands began to be covered with rosin dust_

_“Reyes” Sam grabbed Raven’s hands “seriously, what the hell are you doing? Your fingers are going to stick to the strings if you keep doing that.”_

_“I don’t have another rosin” Raven replied through gritted teeth, abruptly moving away “So it’s either scavenging through this or not playing:”_

_“Then buy a new one” Sam said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world “there’s still twenty minutes until your audition.”_

_Raven remained silent. “Whatever.” she started trying to get the rosin dust off her hands_

_“Ryers…oh fuck.” The violinist stood up and walked to her backpack, quickly getting her own rosin and handing it over to Raven “I’ve got two, so keep this one. It’s supposed to be for violin, but it’ll be fine.”_

_“It better be” Raven cleaned her hands on her trousers as she took her bow and began putting rosin on it_

_“You know, most people just say ‘thank you’.”_

_Raven shrugged “Then I guess I’m not like most people.”_

_She didn’t see the way Sam smiled before entering the stage._

 

Raven opened another can of beer and offered one to Octavia, who had somehow fit herself in the sofa next to her. “If I’m boring you guys, just tell me, because I can be…”

They loudly told her to go on, everyone on their own way, ranging from Jasper’s threat to play off key in the orchestra for the entire year to Bellamy’s drunken sobbing for romance.

“After that day, things changed pretty much, not quickly, but we started to become friends. The problem for us was being something else.”

 

_“Please, pretty pretty please.”_

_“No way, Sam, remember the last time?”_

_The pair were running in circles, stopping and then running in the opposite direction in the middle of the conservatory’s hallways, there was no way of telling who was chasing who._

_“It was an accident, Ryers, it’s not like you couldn’t tune the string again”_

_“It was so off key I had to play with three strings the whole concert, Samantha. The conductor looked like he was going to kill me!”_

_“Fine. I won’t play your cello. But if something goes wrong during the concert, it’s your fault for messing with my pre-concert ritual.” she raised her hands and sat on the hallway’s floor, holding her violin in her arms. Raven stood by her side for a few seconds before putting her cello on the floor and sitting by Sam’s side._

_“How is playing Bach on my cello your ritual anyway?”_

_Sam scoffed “Not_ your _cello, anyone would do, you arrogant.”_

_“Then ask someone else.” Raven dryly replied_

_“I will.” Sam stared at her with disgust for a few seconds before they both burst into laughter._

_“This concert is going to be such a disaster.” Raven said through ragged breaths “Promise me we’re leaving this crappy town and going somewhere with talented people.”_

_“We? I don't know about you, but I’m outta here the minute I get myself an admission to a decent music school.” they both smiled before getting yelled at by their conductor and hurriedly going on stage. The concert was, of course, an absolute hecatomb, but they’d never had more fun. Making faces at each other was their favorite thing to do on stage and that day they wouldn't stop, much to their conductor’s desperation and their classmates amusement._

_Once the concert was over, Raven quickly changed clothes to her usual sweatpants and T-shirt, which Sam always mocked_

_“Seriously, you should go on stage like that, stay true to yourself and all that jazz.”_

_“But then what excuse would you have to tell me how pretty I look?” Raven smiled and flickered her eyelashes exaggeratedly. She was expecting Sam’s sarcastic comeback but instead she saw her firm stare. She was serious as ever._

_“You don't have to be overdressed for me to think it.”_

_Raven frowned “Sam…”_

_“Give me one good reason, Raven.”_

_Raven looked around them, no one was left backstage, yet somehow they always managed to be the last ones to leave. She raggedly sighed when Sam put her hand on her cheek. “People will talk, it’s a small town, they already are and…”_

_Sam cut her off “Tell me you don’t want this and I’ll stop.”_

_Raven swallowed and gritted her teeth, feeling an increasing tension in her chest that didn't seem to go away. Then Sam kissed her. It was tender and soft, yet it was all Raven needed to give in and kiss her back, a tear falling down her cheek._

 

“And that’s how it all started.” Raven smiled sadly “Now she’s in Vienna, preparing for this year’s Tchaikovsky competition after touring as a soloist through Europe.”

 

As fast as the group had remained silent and focused on Raven, they all returned to their conversations when she stood up and went to get some fresh air, followed by Octavia. Raven was startled to see the other girl when she turned around.

“Uh..I’m sorry I scared you” Octavia dried a tear off Raven’s cheek “Can I just ask you something?”

Raven nodded

“Why’d you cry talking about the rosin?”

Raven looked away as new tears fell from her eyes

“Sam didn’t have two, she gave you her own, didn’t she?”

Raven smiled and nodded again, only to be hugged by Octavia as they remained silent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter is mostly about Raven, as was obvious to be expected by the previous one, but Clexa will be reunited in the next few chapters, pinkie promise!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so I officially hate my computer for deleting this chapter when I'd already finished it and so I had to rewrite it, yay. I know it's a short one, but there's yet a third chapter about the party to come

Clarke made her way to the kitchen in order to get herself something else to drink since she’d drank pretty much everything she was offered during the Never have I ever game. _Thank you, Bellamy_. She made a mental note: never play with him again, he always managed to ask the right questions and both him and Clarke would get drunk. She hadn’t expected the room to be as crowded as it was, she’d hoped everyone would already be wasted or crying on someone else’s shoulder, or having sex. Or all those things at the same time. She tripped on a girl who was sitting on the floor’s leg, causing the world to spin around her, and the only reason she didn’t fell was a strong arm that held her up on time. Clarke lifted her head to see who her savior was, but she must’ve done so too quickly for her inebriated brain, since she had to blink for a few seconds to regain her balance. She finally managed to say something.

“Thank you” she kept holding onto the girl’s arm when Lexa shyly smiled at her

“You’re drunk.” it wasn’t a question.

Clarke furrowed her brow, trying to figure out how much she’d already had to drink, it wasn’t really _that much_. Or maybe it was. She wasn’t sure. She shook her head slowly.

“I’m fine”

Lexa raised an eyebrow. She couldn’t really tell what Clarke had just said, so she hoped it wasn’t too important.

“Clarke, do you wanna go with someone? A friend or something?”

Clarke shook her head again, this time more firmly

“Okay” Lexa started walking, dragging Clarke with her “let’s sit down for a minute”

Clarke half sat half threw herself on the couch by Lexa’s side. She closed her eyes for a second, focusing on everything she was feeling at the moment. Cold air entered through one of the windows, refreshing the stuffy atmosphere. The leather of the couch was rough, and the floor vibrated with every beat of the loud music. The cold air contrasted with the warmth of Lexa’s body by her side. She had been resting her head on what she thought was the back of the sofa but realized was the other girl’s arm when she moved, clearly worried about Clarke, and put an ice cube on the back of her neck. The effect was almost immediate.

“WHOA” Clarke almost jumped in shock, she still had blurry vision, but her dizziness had gone away. She cleared her throat “I mean, thank you, that was really helpful” while talking, she’d unconsciously made a gesture with her hand that had covered her mouth, Lexa’s confused expression made her notice.

“Thank you” she mouthed exaggeratedly, causing Lexa to hold back her laughter. Clarke was the confused one this time.

“You don’t really have to do..” she pointed at her own mouth “it’s enough for me to understand if you speak clearly, I couldn’t understand before because you were slurring, but you speak well”

“You speak really well too” Clarke blurted out, blushing “you know, like, you sound…okay you don’t know how you sound…like, I wouldn’t have noticed you were deaf…is it rude to ask if you were born deaf? Because you speak like really normal…” she was blushing more with every second that passed “not that deaf people are not normal…I mean, of course you…”

Lexa smiled widely “You’ve got a serious case of verbal diarrhea”

Clarke nodded, visibly embarrassed by her own social awkwardness.

“It’s nice knowing someone who talks about it instead of pitying me, though”

For the first time, they looked at each other in the eye and didn’t look away.

 

———————————————————————————————

 

Octavia had been holding Raven for a few minutes before she let go

“Shit, I’m sorry” Raven’s mascara had proven not to be as waterproof as it was supposed to be, staining Octavia’s neck, which she tried to clean before even caring to look at herself on a mirror. She thought about how terrible she must look, puffy eyes, her ruined mascara and always messy hair, and yet O looked at her as she always did. _That_ look. Raven would kill for seeing it every day.

“Raven, never mind” she stubbornly kept on “Rae, I’ll survive with a bit of extra makeup, seriously” Octavia put her hand on the other girl’s cheek and softly removed the now messed up mascara with her thumb. She repeated the motion several times, determined to make Raven look as she hadn’t been crying at all.

“I screwed it up.”

Octavia stopped for a second “What do you mean?”

“Me and Sam. I couldn't go with her to Europe and we didn't think we’d be able to be in a long-distance relationship for who knows how long. She offered to stay, she’d have entered Juilliard, we could’ve studied together. And I told her not to, I mean, it would’ve meant giving up everything she’d been studying for, fighting for, her entire life, so I told her she should go for it. To follow her dreams or whatever, instead of staying for a her _high school sweetheart_.” she said the last part bitterly as her breaths became more and more ragged “It was my fault”

“Rae,” Octavia held her face firmly between her hands “you did the right thing.”

Raven nodded while trying to stop herself from crying again, or worse. Then Octavia kissed her. It was tender and soft, and completely different from every other kiss they’d shared before. Raven was the one to break the kiss.

“I thought you didn’t want to…”

“Shut up, Raven” Octavia sighed as they kissed again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> quick question: any of you guys watch PLL? since Emison is rising in 7B i was thinking of writing something about them, either a one-shot or a short non slow burn fic, thoughts?


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINALS ARE OVER (finally. lol. pun intended)  
> So now that I've got time to write 25/7 and finally in this chapter Clexa get kinds flirty I'll speed stuff up between them (you guys seem to love the slow-burn tho)  
> Comments/suggestions/mean critics and kudos are always welcome! Let me know your thoughts so I know what you like and don't and improve <3

Clarke sat up abruptly, her head still felt heavy from the alcohol, but at least now she could look around without the room spinning. It took her a second to realize the warmth she felt on her side was Lexa’s arm. Well, that was awkward. She turned around to face a sleepy-eyed Lexa, who raised an eyebrow

“Hope you slept well”

Clarke opened and closed her mouth several times, at loss for words. She felt blood rushing to her cheeks from embarrassment, she’d indeed fallen asleep on the couch.

“It’s okay” Lexa sighed as she stretched her arm, which was numb from Clarke’s weight, and pointed at the few people who were still dancing “the party still goes on”

Clarke cleared her throat

“Um..I’m sorry I fell asleep on you, I mean, I didn’t mean to, not that I don’t appreciate the company or whatever, I just…the alcohol, and you were so comfortable, not as in fat, just…I mean, there wouldn't be anything wrong if you were, like, fat, is fat an offensive word? Because it shouldn’t be, right?”

Lexa’s eyes stared at her wide open when she cut off Clarke

“I didn’t understand half of what you just said” she amusedly smiled “that’s some verbal diarrhea you've got”

Clarke couldn’t help the goofy smile on her face “Yeah, I’ve been told”

Lexa smiled back at her for a few seconds until they were interrupted by a drunk Monty who stumbled upon them, holding a bottle of his homemade booze and incomprehensibly slurring before collapsing onto the sofa, grumbling something about not drinking ever again.

Clarke stood up (too quickly, note to self: do not stand up so carelessly when drunk) and helped Lexa do the same while Monty got into a more comfortable position on the sofa, apparently the party was already over for him. Clarke looked at her right wrist, confusion showed on her face as she looked at the other one. A thought crossed her mind: I’m left-handed. She looked again at her right wrist, turning her arm while she did so.  
“Clarke? Is everything okay?”

Clarke furrowed her brow “What time is it?”  
Lexa took a look at her phone “6.45”  
Clarke nodded, still looking for her watch until she remembered she’d left it on her music stand and sighed in relief.

——————————————————

Raven softly ran her fingertips through Octavia’s back. She didn’t understand what had happened so far that night, nor did she need to. They’d talk in the morning, she decided, but for now she’d enjoy the moment.

“SHIT.”

Or not.

“SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT” Octavia suddenly jumped off the bed and started getting dressed, much to Raven’s shock

“O, what’s wrong?” Raven rubbed her eyes while lazily sitting up on the bed

“Lexa”

“Lexa who?”

Octavia stopped for a second “Lexa as in my best friend?” Raven smacked her forehead, of course “My deaf best friend who obviously doesn’t drive and whom I’ve left alone at a party. Because of you. Again.”

Raven started searching for her underwear beneath the sheets and getting dressed as well as fast as she could

“What are you doing?”

Raven half-jumped, half-fell off the bed while trying to find matching socks “Let me drive, you’re too drunk”

“I’m not”

Raven scoffed “Whatever, it’s my car, and I was supposed to bring Clarke home.”

Octavia glared at her for a second before holding back a smile “Clarke who?”

Raven rolled her eyes and grabbed her car keys “Whatever.”

—————————————————————————

Clarke had been wandering around the house for a while before realizing Raven was nowhere to be found. She had gone to the front porch to get some air when she unlocked her phone. 4 missed calls and 156 new text messages. Great. Most of the texts were from the group chat they basically used to embarrass each other sending pictures of themselves partying (there were probably several photos of Clarke sleeping on the couch from that night). The missed calls were, of course, Raven’s. She called back, but no one answered. She checked her texts

_4.13 clsrk i think im levaing_  
_4.15 leaving* lmao_  
_4.30 octavua kissd me yay_  
_4.36 yup imma go_  
_6.51 CLARKE IM SO SORRY_  
_6.53 on my way to pick u up dont hate me pls_

She smiled, Raven was really head over heels for that Octavia after all.

_6.57 not mad at u rae dont worry_  
_6.58 your tellin me evrthing abt her tho_

Clarke took out a cigarette only to remember she’d lost her lighter the day before. And she was supposedly going to stop smoking. She put the cigarette on her ear while checking her texts, unsurprised by the amount of shirtless pics Bellamy had sent through the group chat, only outnumbered by Monty and Jasper’s selfies, which Clarke kept in her meme folder. She took a look inside the house, barely anyone was still awake, and those who were were either too drunk to leave or already leaving the house.  
Lexa checked her phone as well, while looking for her jacket. It was a dark leather jacket she was quite fond of and she’d been lucky enough to take it off the moment she’d gone into the house, therefore saving it from the drink that had stained her shirt thanks to Clarke’s clumsiness. She checked her phone, it’d been a few hours since she’d last seen Octavia (to be honest, she hadn’t been exhaustively looking for her, but still, she needed a ride home).

_4.04 lex this octvia cnfuses me_  
_4.10 shes so cute :c_  
_4.34 lmao im w her_  
_4.45 were goin 2 her place call u asap_  
_6.50 k im comin 2 pick u up, sorry 4 leavin_

Lexa rolled her eyes amusedly

 _7.04 O, I would've taken a bus, you didn't have to_  
Octavia quickly replied

_7.04 dude, i do_  
_7.05 btw, who was sleepin w u on the couch? ;) she pretty_

——————————————

Octavia smiled when Lexa didn't reply, she’d find out by herself. She turned on the radio, trying to fill the silence between her and Raven, switching relentlessly from one radio station to another.

“Wait, leave that one!”

Octavia skeptically stopped “You can’t be serious”

“It’s my guilty pleasure, and if you ever dare tell anyone…”

The other girl couldn’t hold back her laughter

“…”

Octavia began crying in laughter

“…”

“I’m sorry” she said through ragged breaths

"It’s just…country ballads? Seriously?”

Raven rolled her eyes but a small smile made its way onto her face as O tried to muffle her laughter.

————————————————

Clarke narrowed her eyes, trying to determine if what she was seeing was (finally) Raven’s car. She stood up and didn’t feel any dizziness, so she assumed she was finally sober. Or not. The lights she’d seen belonged to a small blue car, that looked definitely nothing alike her friend’s truck. She sighed and took a look at the nocturnal sky, no stars were to be seen. She missed that from her hometown, she’d always loved the stars and knew every constellation by heart, although she almost never managed to find them on the real sky, just on pictures or maps. She took a few steps, trying to catch at least a glimpse of the North Star, when she heard a groan, followed by a loud “OUCH”

Clarke immediately looked at the girl whose foot she’d stepped on, rushing to apologize but shocked when she saw who it was

“If you usually flirt by crashing into girls, let me tell you it’s not a very good idea. They might be annoyed.” Lexa said seriously

“I’m so sorry, I…”

Panic showed on Clarke’s eyes, it definitely seemed like she always found a way to screw up whenever she saw this girl. She hurriedly tried to figure out what else to say so that Lexa wouldn't be too pissed off.

“Clarke, I was joking”

“Oh, well…OH. Oh, wow. Hey,” she furrowed her brow “that’s mean, I thought you were angry.”

A familiar voice approached them “Am I wrong, or did I just hear Lexa Woods, the buzzkill, the anti-joker, ms. ‘I-don’t-think-that’s-funny’ make a joke?”

“Shut up, O, I can be funny. Sometimes.”

“Yeah, sure.”

Raven stuck her head out the truck’s door and honked the car’s horn (Clarke had definitely not seen them arrive). Clarke picked her purse from the floor and started walking towards the car while Raven motioned for the other two girls to get inside as well. The four sat on the car in a tense silence until, ironically, Lexa broke it.

“Awkward.”


End file.
